Not Most Couples with my wife Nancy Roth - 100

Welcome to episode 100 where you get to meet my wife Nancy. Nancy and I have been married for over a year and officially together for over 8.

Tune in as we release the first of many episodes of the brand-new Not Most Couples Podcast.

In this episode, you'll learn:

• A little bit of our history
• What we've learned in our time together that's helped our relationship
• The 4 core areas of a successful relationship
• Why we feel Not Most Couples is important
• Some of the most common relationship misconceptions
• The future of Not Most Couples

Transcript

0:32

Hi, I'm Nancy Roth. And I'm Bradley Ross, and this has been not most couples podcast. I think we did. All right. We'll put that out takes. Okay. So this is episode one of the, not most couples podcast and episode. 100 of the, not most people podcasts. So we're kind of. Using it for both, we're kicking off one podcast and also using it as the hundredth episode. For another, which it's kind of a funny story. Nancy said I'm going to be your hundredth episode. Cause back. A while back. I was like, man, I got to have someone really, really cool and interesting for the hundredth episode. She's like, pick me. So. I said, what are we going to talk about? And this was kind of before, like not most couples was really a thought out concept. And here we are. So kind of two birds, one stone. And if you hear me talking more at first, it's probably because I've hosted a hundred podcasts and I've been a guest I'm probably like 40. And this is your first. My first podcast of any sort. Definitely won't be the last, but we are kicking off. Not most couples. For a couple of reasons. I think we've been together. And, uh, Counting wise. We had a, we got married in March of 2022. So a little over a year ago. Uh, We're recording this in may of 2023. And then we've been together just over. Eight years now since we started. Dating Facebook official. Whatever you want to call it. Uh, on Instagram, we had a little miscount. A couple of days ago of seven years, but. To set the record straight we're at eight years. So. We've been together for a while. We're both 31. Uh, she's about a month older than I am. And so we kind of went through our whole twenties together. Learned a heck of a lot. And so we're here. Starting up most couples for. A couple of reasons. What's the reason. That you want to share? Really put me on the spot. Yeah. The question, tell you, learn right. Um, I think we want to, we both came from, we're very fortunate to have come from parents who are still together, which is very rare these days. And as much as we can look up to them and their role models, they're still a lot of the things that they do that I would consider outdated in this modern world that we live in. Um, we've also seen them go through struggles and all these things that rather than copying what they've done, I really wanted to learn from what they've done so that our relationship can really grow and flourish. And I think by us being on the same page with that, which is probably the most important thing when you're in a relationship. Um, Has allowed us now practice and implement all these new things that then we want to share with other couples who are our age, even a little older or a little younger, because the new norm is to. Get together, something goes wrong, get broken up or get divorced or whatever. And then it's really become detrimental. I think. Yeah. And so we want to be that example for other people. Um, and we, we kind of want to teach them that we've done we're by no means experts and we won't claim ever to be, but yeah. I think, yeah. When it comes to our parents, again, they both been married for a long time, like 30, 30 years. Give or take. Yeah. So. It was just kind of a different generation though. I think like for them, you didn't get divorced, you just kind of stuck things out. But I think. Relationships are like very private in general. Like even our parents. Like they have a lot of these conversations behind closed doors that, you know, as kids, you don't really hear and. It's not something that's really taught a lot too. Kids growing up, like here's how we like resolve conflict. You see it, you see examples, but it's not really like explicitly taught like relationships. Aren't something that you learn in school. Or that again, most parents like will, some parents will tell their kids about. Kind of like the inner details of how the relationship works, tips and that kind of stuff, but a lot don't. So you kind of learn. Through just watching. And then a lot of times people pick up. You know, both the good and the bad habits from their parents. Uh, when it comes to conflict resolution, Um, And just all kinds of different things. So. I think it's one of those things that there is more and more content coming out with, or like that's out there now. In terms of relationships and. You know, especially like with the whole coaching, personal development rises, the internet, like that stuff is more easy to find now. But you still, these days look at relationships, half of them and the divorce. I think that's over half now. And of the ones that stayed together. Only a small portion of them are ones that you really want to model and be like, all right. That's a great example. Um, you know, there's a lot of infidelity even within that half that like stays together and then there's another whole group of people that. Stay together, but they're like just roommates, right? They're not really like romantically involved. Anymore. And so I'd say like, maybe there's like 10. It's a 15% of couples out there that are really like, I want that. That's like what I want to be. And so we're just trying to. Um, kind of take what we've learned because we. I mean, we'll get into our whole back story in the next episode. So that'll be probably a little bit a lengthier than this one. But, you know, we both. I have three little sisters for both the oldest child. So we. Kind of, I don't know, neither of us want it to like really differ or not, or be the leader early on in the relationship. And so we kind of clashed a lot. We had a lot of things that we had to learn and work on. I hadn't been in like a real serious relationship. Uh, since high school. So there's a lot of things I had to learn. And. Still learning. We're still learning. Solar. But I think it was when we. I don't know when exactly it was, but several years in, we actually decided like, all right, let's, let's make an effort to like, learn these things. So we don't just keep running into the same walls and the same fights and the same patterns. And. All that kind of stuff over and over. And so when we decided we were going to. Do that, I feel like that was kind of a turning point. Not that it just immediately fixed things by any means, but. Uh, It's kind of like set this trajectory to where, like, I feel like the last few years we've improved massively in terms of like how mature our relationship is and how we get along. And. How we're on the same page, all that kind of stuff compared to the first half of it. Do you agree? Yeah. We were really young too. I mean, We didn't know anything really. Yeah. And then just to like, rewind back to what you were talking about, like 50% of the couples that are together. And then maybe half of that is like couples that are together because they're like, oh, we're together for the kids or. We're together because we don't really know what else to do, and that's not what we want to be. We don't. At that point, like, we're not, you know, we don't, I wouldn't necessarily ever like say yeah, divorce, but like, if you aren't like each other's best friend, if you're not each other's. You know, we want to be like a thriving relationship. Not like one, that's just there. Um, yeah, I think so. Yeah. Yeah. I think, I think most couples kind of get by or they stay together because they're supposed to. Um, And so, yeah, like that's, you know, Not most couples, right? Most couples are they're divorced. You know, or just not a good terms, we're just kind of getting by. And so that's not most couples we've, we really are striving to kind of be that, that 10%, that really have the relationships that you look at. And you're like, oh, wow. Like, no, they're still in love. They really are on the same page. They're like a team power, couple, however you want to. Say it, but that's really, our goal is to just take what we've learned over the last eight years and, and share it. And hopefully it can be useful to a lot of people out there and. We also want to be learning as we go. So like, as we bring in other couples to learn from, and even, you know, maybe experts in the relationship field, Like it's, it's all something that we can learn together. It's not just like, oh, Bradley Nancy, know this already. And we're, they're going to teach us, they're going to be learning too. And it can be kind of a community for those other couples that. Are looking for. You know, it's hard to find other couples where you're like, oh, they really do like each other. And you're really best friends. And when you hang out, they're not freaking fighting or creating some like awkward. Okay. Like they're mad at each other. Now we're all like sitting here, like weird. It's hard to find other couples. And so we want to create that community, that of those couples. Yeah. And so if you guys have listened to the, not most people podcasts, you know, that most of the episodes are interview style. So I'm not really the main one talking, I just kind of facilitate. So it's, it's the same idea, like borrowing experience from these other people. Uh, most of whom I feel like that we'll be interviewing are a little bit older than we are. Um, and so I think it's important to like, to be. Like a younger couple, that's kind of sharing these things. Cause I know for me, like when I was like twenties, I'd be like, oh, well, like this person who's like been married for 20 years. Like I can't really relate to that. So I think, um, being able to reach those people in their twenties. Maybe even teens or earlier, as well as the people, you know, in. Then their thirties, like us and beyond. Uh, is important. So I think format wise for the podcast. Um, we are going to be doing. A decent amount of episodes that are just us talking about different topics. You know, whatever it might be. And. Also, I think once we get, uh, out there a little bit, I'd love to do like some Q and A's like, people can send in their questions and then we can talk about them and how, you know, maybe we've experienced. You know what they're asking about? And that kind of thing. And then the other portion, like we just kind of mentioned, we'll be interviewing. Uh, quote unquote like power couples, right? So couples that we see as examples and. We'll generally kind of skew towards like, I don't know, the high performance or entrepreneur business side of things. Like we're going to give stuff that. Applies to all couples, but we also have found that there's a whole different dynamic. When one or both. Of the people in the relationship are trying to build a business or trying to do like really big things because. A lot of times when you're trying to do that. That can really like pull you in one direction away from your relationship. And just creates a whole new set of dynamics that I think aren't really talked about very commonly. And so that's something that we want to talk to and we're kind of. You know, we don't claim to be super high performers or like super successful. We make no claims that we are. Wealthy and you should just go listen to what we say and that kind of thing. But. Uh, that's where we're trying to be. You know, we're trying to do things and do it together. And that, um, again, creates a whole new dynamic that we're gonna be diving into. Right. So. Uh, having said that like we're, uh, we are not. Licensed in any way or not like. Right. Yeah. Anything that we say on here, don't go and like, take it and be like, oh, that didn't work for me right away. Like, it's your fault. You had a fight or something like that. You know, like. Just take, take everything with a grain of salt and just know that it's like our opinions and our experience. And like we could be wrong or maybe what we're saying. Doesn't exactly work in your context. So. Sort of put that out there. Uh, but it'll probably work if you do. We'll probably. Yeah, so. Uh, in terms of our future vision, like where this thing's going, we're just starting with the podcast right now for keeping it simple. Uh, and kind of seeing how things develop from there. So we don't have like a real strict future trajectory, but we do have a lot of things you want to do. Just kind of. If you followed not most people and how that's evolved is started with the podcast. And then kind of went to the community side of things, creating like a, a group of like-minded people, a mastermind style, community style. And then from there doing some live events. So. There's a very good chance that not most couples, if it resonates with people, could take kind of a similar path to where we're bringing people together. We're creating. Resources education for people in the future. So, I don't know it could happen. Sooner. It could be a long time. Not going to make any promises right now. Right. Yeah. If you want, like the ultimate vision, I think the ultimate vision. And so like eventually host like very like. High level, couple of texts where type retreats. And every time I say that, I think of the stupid movie. Chicago. Retreat cracks me up, but like similar idea, like couples coming together. Like we do not only are we in beautiful places, like, but we're having education. We're having time together. We're having things that we could like concrete things that we could take home and then implement and practice in our relationships so that we can like grow and like flourish together. That's like a big vision goal. And that's like something maybe like. You know? Yeah. There's levels tall. There's levels to all of it, but for now let's get started with this podcast and yeah, I'm sure people are going to love it. Right. Could you not. Um, but yeah. So in terms of. Uh, so that's kind of like the big picture vision. And then in terms of some frameworks and things, we're just going to give you a little bit of like a taste. Of something that we came up with, which is still very like, kind of rough draft. In a sense, but we have kind of our core four where we're like, okay, what are the main areas that if we were to, like, everyone's heard of health, wealth relationships, and then there's other triads, or like, Categories within each of those. And so we found for not most couples like relationships, that there's a core four. Um, and that is. Alignment is the first one. So alignment includes like your values, your goals, your beliefs, like, are you on the same page with that? Um, do you share those things? Because I found that generally. The couples that seem wildly in love and then they don't last longterm. It's generally. A difference in values and goals that maybe you weren't discussed early on. It's amazing how many. Stories. I hear of like couples that. Got married and then found out that they, like, one of them want to kids and one of them didn't. You know, like, how did you, like you guys didn't talk about that before, you know, just like things like that, that. Um, really seems simple, but they're super foundational to figure it out. With that, that they don't talk about it before. I think what happens is. Someone thinks they can change. For Mary, they're going to want. Like, I don't think they're like, wait. We just never stopped. Well, I think there are those cases too, but. Uh, yeah, I'm also are probably more likely your. And then they're like, oh, they didn't want to change. Right. You know? Yeah. Or they didn't really sit down and say like, Hey, what's really important to you. You know, longterm, it's easy to get kind of caught up in relationships, especially early on in the honeymoon phase and stuff, which we'll talk about in other episodes, but that's the first one is alignment. The second one you want to. It's polarity. So the masculine and feminine. On your intimacy. Since that attracts Missy and attraction. Um, yeah, this was one. This is one that, again, like, I think is the main thing that couples lose over time. The ones that end up just being roommates. And they're like, oh man, where's the spark. This is what leads to like affairs and all that kind of stuff. So, and I think we're going to talk about this actually a lot, a lot, especially being, he's been entrepreneur for a long time, I'm newly an entrepreneur, but during his whole journey and his whole. All these years of him like building and doing these things, I really had to be in a masculine type energy because I was like, uh, supporting us a lot. I was like constantly working and doing this and doing that and doing all these things. And I didn't even know what masculine energy was or feminine energy was. And like, yeah. And so it took a lot of learning of why I was responding and reacting to some things. And a lot of it was because of me, not even because of him. And then there was a lot of times where, like, I think maybe you were into. Out of your feminine and creative energy. And I was like, no. Take care of me. I don't want to be in the masculine anymore. And so we really learned a lot with that. And so this is probably going to be one of my favorite topics that we're going to talk about. Not right now, but that's just to give you a general idea of what that is. We could have easily gone down like a one hour rabbit hole with that. Yeah. So the next one is communication, right? Like everyone knows. Oh, we hit, you have to communicate. Everyone communicates or like, you know, we talk about this, but like the first half of our relationship, we, we communicated, but not always on like a deep level, like not consciously, like we would. Have mismatches of energy or. You know, blame the other person, just like all these little things that over time we start to realize like these patterns and these things that we were doing that were holding us back, or that we would even be saying the same thing, but not realizing we were saying the same thing. So kind of these like. Deeper level communication things. Um, you know, conflict resolution, like how do you, how do you talk something out and get through it? Without screaming and yelling, like how do you do it in a mature way? Uh, how do you. Piece of advice for this or the best thing to always that we always try to think of. And even though there's times when I'm like, I don't care, I don't want to think of this, but it's never a me versus him. It's him and I versus what the problem is. Yeah. And like, if we keep that at the foundation, then there shouldn't be any problems that we can't solve. Yeah. And then I think it just the same thing. Are they all. Interlace together because communication comes back to even polarity realizing that most feminines are a little bit more emotional in their reactions. And typically, I don't know about these days, but typically men are usually a little more like. Straight shooters or, you know, whatever. And so hen realizing, oh, okay. She's having an emotional reaction and this isn't that just how she's acting towards me. And then me realizing like he does care. He just does it in one show in the same way. He doesn't have to explain it in 12 different ways. Like sometimes I do. Yeah. So this is another one where he had really deep on, uh, in the future. And then like another example. I think in the first half of our relationship, if we got mad at each other, we kind of like yell about it and then like shut down or create distance. And then just after a few days, we kind of like magically. Forget about it. Right. But it was never really resolved. Whereas now something comes up. We talked about earlier we get through it. We are like the masters of like being silent, but sitting in the same room still. They're like two hours. Feel the texture would be like bored of being silences. Someone. Someone would like make a little joke or something. I'd be like nothing happened, but then that same thing would come up later on reappear. So communication is another huge one. And then the last one that I think kind of like underpins and feeds, all of them is growth. So if you got, if you're not growing together or individually as well, Uh, I think that's the number one reason why. A lot of relationships don't work out. It's because they don't grow. They meet when they're. A certain age. One of them changes or evolves or they go in different directions. They're not in the same patient, not like progressing. And it's just like any other area of life where. You can't expect to. Stop going to the gym and stop working on it and stay in shape. Right. You're going to like get out of shape. You're going to get unhealthy and the same exact principles or like same thing with your business. Right? If you stop working. You know, that's going to go negative. That's going to slide backwards. You're going to. Um, You're just things just, aren't going to continue the way you want to. And so I think it's this weird disconnect where, and part of this is like Hollywood and all that to blame. But there's this kind of belief out there that oh, like love and attraction is supposed to just carry you through when it comes to your relationship. And it's really just like any area of life where you, if you're not consciously working on it. It's going to decay. It's going to, you know, It's not going to be what you want it to be. Yeah. Yeah. So that's kind of a big picture where we're at, we're going to do our whole story real soon. So that'll be a little bit of a longer episode, but, uh, hopefully you guys, even though we were trying not to really get into too much stuff, maybe got a little, couple little takeaways with this and are looking forward to. What's coming. Episode two. So that's it episode one of not most couples episode, 100 of not most people. In the books, one take. All done. All right, guys, we will see you in the next month. Thanks for tuning in. Uh, and always remember, don't be most couples. Yeah. Yeah. And people. And people. But work on that.